i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
