Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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