Small penises have feelings too.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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