as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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