no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
