new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
