At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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