I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
