The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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