they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
