last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
