At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
