Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
