I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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