Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
