Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
