I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
