I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
