Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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