I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
