Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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