so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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