Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I love you. Go after that dick
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
