Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
