I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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