Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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