i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
