If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize