i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
