Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
