Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
