I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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