billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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