I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
where are you?
Hypothermia
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
