party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize