I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
