god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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