Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
