Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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