i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
