i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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