the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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