just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize