do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
