He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
