Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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