Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
