sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
