Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We don't watch enough power rangers
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize