Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
