Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
