I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I need moral support for this bender
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
