i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
