i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
