Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
