I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
