Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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