I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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