12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
