I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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