The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize