Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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