I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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