I've blown a few things in my day
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
