Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
