i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
