Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just had sex bonerless
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
