Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
