Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
