I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
