ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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