This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize