Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh god it's open bar.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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