she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
