oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize