we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
